I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
