Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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