Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Congratulations! We have a period
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