You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
