Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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