I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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