Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Found your dick twin last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
