there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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