You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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