I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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