Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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