Everything about him screamed your future.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize