New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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