New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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