I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
