Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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