Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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