I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
