woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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