Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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