If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
