I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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