I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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