i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
