I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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