i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
