Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
