Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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