Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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