Can i not drive my cunt home
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
