I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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