My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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