I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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