No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
