someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
