watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
