is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
