I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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