I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
