hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
