I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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