yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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