using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
