I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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