I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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