the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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