Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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