just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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