hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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