apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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