is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
