Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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