I faked an abortion last night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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