You made me cry and you don't even care
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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