Are we in a gay sports bar?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
