I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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