So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
