i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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