I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
